


Trying to be Bucky Again

by bizarreonline



Category: Captain America (Movies), Stucky - Fandom, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Gender Identity, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Innocent James "Bucky" Barnes, M/M, Non-Binary Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-22 16:45:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22719097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bizarreonline/pseuds/bizarreonline
Summary: Though Bucky is finally able to settle into his new life with Steve following Hydra, the more he remembers himself, the more something seems to be wrong with this pre-existing idea of who "Bucky Barnes" really is.Bucky has figured it out but isn't exactly sure how to explain it to Steve, or even how to say it at all.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	Trying to be Bucky Again

**Author's Note:**

> I am not personally non-binary, so if there is anything that is incorrect or unintentionally offensive, please message me! <3

Over the past few months, Bucky has been able to get comfortable and settle into life following Hydra.   
Steve left Avengers Tower when Bucky came back from Wakanda and bought a brownstone in Brooklyn. It is much nicer than anything they could have dreamed about before the war, but it was homey and THEIRS, which is all that really mattered to them.   
Steve as been there for Bucky through everything. Even when Bucky wasn't sure it was the best idea, thought maybe Steve would be happier without the weight of dealing with his old, injured, and barely emotionally available best friend. Sure, they were lovers and meant the world to each other before the fall, but things are different in the future. Bucky is different.   
But just as Bucky had demanded to help Steve when he was small and sick, Steve refused to leave Bucky's side.   
Steve is his entire support system. Their family. Their love. Just as he always had been.   
With this in mind, Bucky turned onto their back to face Steve from where they were laying with their head in his lap. Instead of saying anything though, they just stared up at Steve. Cataloging his soft mouth, sky-blue eyes, and porcelain skin. If you looked real close, there were a few light freckles across his nose.   
Steve had been running his fingers through Bucky's hair while they watched documentaries all afternoon, but moved to rest his palm by the beginning of their hairline when they changed position.   
"Whatcha' lookin' at, Buck?" Steve mumbled   
Bucky swallowed to answer but froze. Trying to calculate the best way to voice their thoughts.   
They'd been thinking about it for weeks! Though it was just an uncomfortable settling in their stomach at first, they'd finally figured it out. But what if Steve isn't alright with it? Sure, he is an advocate for all members of the LGBTQIA+ spectrum but it is different to support someone than to be in love someone. What if he just wants the Bucky he grew up with, not some mixed up, second grade version?   
Steve tilts his head down to his love, realizing he was not getting a quick answer.   
"Alright, what's going on in there? You wanna talk about it?"   
Steve has always been ever so sweet and understanding, but what if this is too much? Then again, dating an ex-assassin (though innocent of their crimes) isn't too much for the blond, so maybe there is some hope here.   
Bucky opened their mouth only to close it again as they thought of how to begin.   
"I've been tryin' real hard to understand what it means to be your Bucky again, how to be myself. And while I'm still the same kid from Brooklyn, some things are different."   
Steve's lips curve into a soft smile, barely a smirk.   
"Buck, it's been a long time and you've been through hell. No one expects you to come out the same, I don't. Time, war, it changes people. I'm different, you're different, and that is completely normal."   
"But what if it's more than that? I've seen the doctors and therapists, I've taken the pills, but something still isn't right and I don't even know how to describe it!"   
Bucky's voice begins to rise towards the end of their sentence. Starting to get frustrated with the whole situation. Why couldn't things just be how they were before they ever shipped off for war?   
"Slow down, Bucky. How about you just tell me whats been going around in the pretty head of yours and maybe I can help. Even if I can't, it might make you feel better."   
Taking a deep breath and tilting their head back into Steve's palm,   
"I don't like when someone labels me a man. It makes my skin crawl. I don't like when people use "he" to describe me. I thought it was a side-effect of being the asset for so long, but it's not going away."  
Steve's fingers begin to scratch at their head without moving his palm from their hairline. There is a small furrow between his brows.   
"Maybe you're just not a man. Just because you don't feel like a man, doesn't mean you're any less a human."  
He pauses and slides his tongue across his lip as he thinks.   
"Would you feel better if different pronounce were used, sweetheart?"   
The use of the nickname settled Bucky's nerves. Sappy nicknames are saved for when comfort is needed.   
"Yeah, that'd be nice." Bucky murmurs, their fingers picking at the couch's seam.   
"She?"   
Bucky crinkles their nose.   
"How about 'they' or 'them'?"   
As soon as the pronounce leave Steve's lips, there is a warmth in Bucky's stomach.   
"Would that be alright?"   
With a soft smile, Steve pulls Bucky up to be sitting across his lap. Lightly grabbing Bucky's chin he says,   
"Anything for you, love. I just want you to be happy."


End file.
